Have you ever wished you could go back to the time when you were a child? Everything seemed so simple, and no action you took had any consequence. I wish things were the same way now. I constantly find myself searching for answers in my childhood--why I am the way that I am...over-analytical, too organized, so afraid of big dogs, obsessed with theatre...all of that.
For the most part, my childhood was very good until I reached middle school. People would call me gay because I had more girlfriends than boyfriends (go figure, right?), they would criticize my outfits because I did not have the best designer clothes, I liked girlie pop music, and I liked the arts and plays. Who defines what is right and wrong in the world of a child? What defines "popularity" and what defines "dorkdom." It's interesting to think about, as the "success" or "failures" of our life as a child shape our entire mindset as we became teenagers.
I miss being a kid. I miss not having to make decisions. I miss my mother picking out my outfits, and I miss not having to worry about making plans for a Friday night.
I've heard it once said that life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. If this is true, it worries me to think that I wasted too much time breathing and taking it easy than taking risks and experiencing thrills that made me short of breath as both and child and now, as an adult.
As I sit here, staring at my freshly cut daffodils in a small vase on my window sill....I can help but wonder...do we have the power to shape our own fate or are we merely a checker piece in some giant mapped out plan we have no control over? I guess I should "just keep swimming" however hard it may to fight against the current.