I've been thinking alot the past few days about a quote from, as we all know, one of my favorite shows ever on television:
"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
I sometimes wonder if the relationship I have with myself is unhealthy. I often second-guess my decisions, lack the confidence to do several things I should be able to do with no problem as an individual with a quarter of my life almost gone, and take to heart what others have to say about or to me. I tell myself to stray from this unhealthy relationship, and yet I find myself circling round and round, ending up exactly where I most often times begin.
If one's relationship with one's self directly affects the relationships one has with others, could my unhealthy relationship with myself ultimately lead to my demise as a person in society? The demise of my goals? My dreams? My needs? A little dramatic (go figure, right?), yes, but ultimately true.
If this IS the case, what can I or anyone to do heal this unhealthy relationship? I could talk about it until I am blue in the face and solve nothing, or I could ignore it and continue wandering through life failed relationship (friend or lover) after failed relationship blaming everyone but myself. And THAT, in itself, is not healthy. Doing that doesn't get me from point A to point B or make me a better person. I must act..
Every boyfriend I have had (while the number isn't many) has not lived up to some "expectation" I have ended up setting, leading me to break up with them for frivolous reasons that have no backing in the scheme of things.
I have heard others say humans get stuck in patterns that SEEM healthy because that in itself is the very definition of the idea of having a routine. We wake up. We go to work. We hit the gym. We go to happy hour. We watch Bravo. We sleep. If we just took a break from our private little world to see the the magnitude of disservice done us in adopting these routines, we would all be better off. Routine suffocates and can create resentment within us without us ever being the wiser.
A vicious cycle? I think so.
When will I, and so many others, figure out the way to fix our unhealthy relationship with ourself?